Fatigue

I don't think many people understand the meaning of chronic fatigue. Sure I can get a bit tired, but I'm fine to carry on with my day and the activities ahead, but other days, I can hardly manage to get out of bed. I've come to notice that my fatigue hits worse when I am highly stressed or feel really ill. My pain and lack of enthusiasm puts my days, sometimes even weeks, on hold.

There are days when the pain gets to me but I take 60mg of Codine and go on my way. Other days I have to use a walking stick, which is known by the name of Kevin in my local community. I often just grin and bare it, getting on with my 'normal' life.

What many people don't understand is how much of your time is wasted by fatigue. I, for one, believe in living every moment like it's your last as you don't know what the future has in store; however, sometimes, that's just impossible. I can ache so much at whatever time of the day and not be able to move it's so painful. I don't know why. The physio therapists believe that it might be a muscle problem that links to Crown's disease, I'm not sure of the technical terms for it, all I know is that it can bloody hurt.

My fatigue seems to come around at the most inconvenient times. For instance, I was getting ready to attend my friend's sixteen birthday party when all of a sudden I couldn't couldn't life my hand about my head to brush my hair. I hadn't had a stroke- the hospital checked! My muscles just refused to work. They had promptly crashed out on me and I couldn't show up to a really important occasion for one of my best friends. It was heartbreaking having to tell her I couldn't make it, we had been planning it together for months.

Anyway, back to the point: fatigue is a bitch.

Nobody should have to go through the agony of not having the energy to do anything. Their minds and their bodies are capable, just not at certain times of the day. It's difficult to go through, I'm still trying to manage it: with monthly hospital infusions and fortnightly physio trips, we are hopefully on the mend and my 'chronic fatigue' issue will die it's long, awaited death.